Leah (jeffslilangel) wrote,

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"I have found all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade away again"

So, tragedy hits again this summer as it did last. My pap had what the doctors are calling a massive heart attack yesterday and is in the hospital. He has 100 percent blockage in one artery, 80 in a second and a little in the third. The doctors say he needs surgery and thought he should have it monday, but today they are saying that it is worse than they thought so they are going to have to wait a couple weeks til his heart is strong enough. I feel like I am being so selfish when I say that I can't handle this. I really can't. I mean it just seems like one thing after another keeps happening like Dave died then a month later my pap had his stroke and then around this same time last year my gram got diagnosed with cancer. I am seriously freaking out right now. I am trying to put on the strong happy face Leah but I just can't do it anymore. I just feel like this is all happening all over again with one bad thing happening after another. I can't lose my pap right now I just can't. My mom and my gram and pap are my only family. They are the only ppl that have been there constantly throughout my life. They raised me. I don't know what I would do without him. My aunt is coming in with my cousin so this won't help matters any...amidst all of this we have to play family fued. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I am a strong person but everyone has their breaking points, maybe this is mine. I want to freak out really bad right now but I know I can't because I have to be strong for my mom and grandma. But the real question is..can I be strong for me? Right now, I don't think so.
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